I took a couple of days off this week. No plans, just not working. I am really enjoying my new job now, but I had started to feel a little penned in. It was time to take some time off. It's funny to think that the only real difference between a work day and a vacation day is a stroll down the hallway and a turn into my office.
Before I started my new job, I had been so worried about being dedicated to working while still being in my house. So often, I avoid working on my own creative endeavors within these walls, and I worried I would feel the same way about real life work.
I don't though. I work with ease and dedication when someone is counting on me. Even when I am not feeling it, I plunge in and do it anyway. After a while, I lose myself in acronyms and procedures and before I know it the day is done and work was accomplished.
So I realized my resistance to writing my own work is all in my head, or maybe my heart. Fear is a powerful force.
With empty vacation days looming on the horizon I wasn't sure what to do with myself. I felt the same sense anxiousness I always do. Knowing in my heart I should be doing the thing that brings me peace and yet somehow is the thing I often deny myself.
I decided to try an experiment today. I walked down the hall and turned into my office with my own laptop in tow. I dedicated myself with the same level to my own work that I get paid for every other day. It was a weird sensation to sit in the same spot, and feel that sense of dedication, but this time to myself.
I got down to work and looked up four hours and five pages later. Turns out all that time writing in my head makes writing on the page a little easier. As I write this I am afraid that tomorrow I will revert to my old ways, but I pray I will choose love and joy over silly fears.