I feel a little adrift right now. At first I was enjoying the lack of driving focus, but now it's starting to feel a little too unfocused.
I think I need to recenter myself and figure out where I need and want to go next in my life. I need to figure out the destination of the next phase of my life's journey.
I also need to trust in the path that will get me there. So often I want to see exactly where my next step will take me... usually before I take it.
I tend to be a worrier and spend too much of my mental energy focused on what could wrong. I want to change my focus and instead think about what can go right.
Time to hit my journal again and try to find my center and my focus. Reconnect with the core of myself and set my compass back to my True North.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Friday, March 8, 2013
Farwell Fridge
After many years of needing a new one, we got a new fridge!
I'm trying not to feel guilty about my purchase and feeling a need to justify buying a fridge. Old habits die hard. Cause we really needed a new fridge.
Over the years many of the bars on the door broke. Hubby has glued and taped to keep it all together. One of us got the bright idea to use a bungee cord to hold in the peas on the freezer door. Yep, we were pretty proud of that piece of ingenuity.
The new fridge was a splurge and so worth it. Every time I open the door and it lights up I have this "Ahhhhh" moment. I have positioned the water jug so the light comes through it and it sparkles. Yes I know that sounds like a crazy person, but I really love it.
I realized my food was not looking up to snuff. So I bought some new containers too. First time I used one my hubby thought they were the disposable kind and threw it in the trash. I found it in the bag at the curb just in time. Whew.
Our power company has a recycling program and they came to pick up the old fridge. On it's way down the driveway I see this giant cloud of dust coming off the coils in the back. I had sudden visions of Pigpen. I was glad the guy was walking in front of it, and that there was a good stiff breeze.
Oddly I wasn't that sad to see the old ham safe go.
I'm trying not to feel guilty about my purchase and feeling a need to justify buying a fridge. Old habits die hard. Cause we really needed a new fridge.
Over the years many of the bars on the door broke. Hubby has glued and taped to keep it all together. One of us got the bright idea to use a bungee cord to hold in the peas on the freezer door. Yep, we were pretty proud of that piece of ingenuity.
The new fridge was a splurge and so worth it. Every time I open the door and it lights up I have this "Ahhhhh" moment. I have positioned the water jug so the light comes through it and it sparkles. Yes I know that sounds like a crazy person, but I really love it.
I realized my food was not looking up to snuff. So I bought some new containers too. First time I used one my hubby thought they were the disposable kind and threw it in the trash. I found it in the bag at the curb just in time. Whew.
Our power company has a recycling program and they came to pick up the old fridge. On it's way down the driveway I see this giant cloud of dust coming off the coils in the back. I had sudden visions of Pigpen. I was glad the guy was walking in front of it, and that there was a good stiff breeze.
Oddly I wasn't that sad to see the old ham safe go.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Playing Hooky
Friday I played hooky from work with a friend. It was such a nice time.
What is it about taking time out from the routine that just can perk you up? I really needed a break. We window shopped till we dropped.
Maybe I should take another time out and see a movie in the middle of the week. Scandalous.
I know my hooky days are pretty tame, but still it was enough.
I think it's time to move forward with getting the screenplay out into the world. In the meantime it's been an odd time of mental rest.
The story has been in my head - demanding to be let out - for so long. It feels different to not have it pressing against my conscious for awhile.
Have you ever had a creative idea move in to your head and refuse to leave until it's been expressed?
Next time one takes root I'll be less afraid of that feeling and be faster about getting it out.
What is it about taking time out from the routine that just can perk you up? I really needed a break. We window shopped till we dropped.
Maybe I should take another time out and see a movie in the middle of the week. Scandalous.
I know my hooky days are pretty tame, but still it was enough.
I think it's time to move forward with getting the screenplay out into the world. In the meantime it's been an odd time of mental rest.
The story has been in my head - demanding to be let out - for so long. It feels different to not have it pressing against my conscious for awhile.
Have you ever had a creative idea move in to your head and refuse to leave until it's been expressed?
Next time one takes root I'll be less afraid of that feeling and be faster about getting it out.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Jumping In
So posting about the script last week to all of you gave me the courage to jump a little farther. I sent out my pitch to a couple of high school pals in the business. We'll see what happens - no word yet.
The story about the woman who feels other peoples pain is not autobiographical I'm happy to report. I have always felt pain deeply - at least I think I do.
When I was a kid my family often accused me of being overly dramatic when it came to pain. After many years - I began to wonder if they were right. Did I have a lower tolerance to the bumps and bruises of life? If I did, was it all in my head or was it really in my body.
Very early in life I had a desire to show someone what my pain felt like - or to see what their pain felt like to them. Pain is so subjective - and so personal. It is felt physically and emotionally different by everyone.
As a young woman I developed an autoimmune illness that caused me daily pain. My pain became something I had to find a way to live with. I tried to find the silver lining in feeling the way I did. I can't say I've welcomed my pain, but I have found ways to accept it.
When my hubby developed a horrifyingly painful condition, my whole view of pain changed. I remember seeing him in such pain and telling him that if I could take away his pain I would. He said something that surprised me so much.
He said he loved me too much to allow me to suffer instead. I realized how much that answer meant to me.How much more I loved him because of his answer.
The story about the woman who feels other peoples pain is not autobiographical I'm happy to report. I have always felt pain deeply - at least I think I do.
When I was a kid my family often accused me of being overly dramatic when it came to pain. After many years - I began to wonder if they were right. Did I have a lower tolerance to the bumps and bruises of life? If I did, was it all in my head or was it really in my body.
Very early in life I had a desire to show someone what my pain felt like - or to see what their pain felt like to them. Pain is so subjective - and so personal. It is felt physically and emotionally different by everyone.
As a young woman I developed an autoimmune illness that caused me daily pain. My pain became something I had to find a way to live with. I tried to find the silver lining in feeling the way I did. I can't say I've welcomed my pain, but I have found ways to accept it.
When my hubby developed a horrifyingly painful condition, my whole view of pain changed. I remember seeing him in such pain and telling him that if I could take away his pain I would. He said something that surprised me so much.
He said he loved me too much to allow me to suffer instead. I realized how much that answer meant to me.How much more I loved him because of his answer.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Avoidance
I'll admit it, I'm stalling.
I've gone to all the trouble of writing a screenplay and it's pretty much time to start knocking on doors (virtually) and getting the word out there.
It's a little scary.
But I didn't do all that work to have it sit on my hard drive. So I just need to get over it and get on with it.
I need to be ready for the idea that not everyone will like it. I also need to get used to the idea that someone really will like it.
So I am going to put it out into the universe with the same loving energy that helped me write it. In fact I'm going to tell you all about it. It's about time right... Ta da!
Imagine pain and pleasure are energies extending beyond our bodies, and hidden among us are people who can manipulate these energies. What would you give to take away the pain of someone you love?
A pleasure-addicted casino owner forces a doctor into hunting people who can feel his pain. The doctor realizes the young woman he wrote off as a hypochondriac has a powerful ability to absorb pain and no way to control it.
The doctor decides to hide her from the casino owner, and use her for his own purposes. He convinces her to carry the pain of a dying boy for his own financial gain.
After a lifetime of misery, she learns she can control the pain she absorbs and unleash it on others, setting the stage for an epic battle between pleasure and pain.
I've gone to all the trouble of writing a screenplay and it's pretty much time to start knocking on doors (virtually) and getting the word out there.
It's a little scary.
But I didn't do all that work to have it sit on my hard drive. So I just need to get over it and get on with it.
I need to be ready for the idea that not everyone will like it. I also need to get used to the idea that someone really will like it.
So I am going to put it out into the universe with the same loving energy that helped me write it. In fact I'm going to tell you all about it. It's about time right... Ta da!
Pain by Proxy
Imagine pain and pleasure are energies extending beyond our bodies, and hidden among us are people who can manipulate these energies. What would you give to take away the pain of someone you love?
A pleasure-addicted casino owner forces a doctor into hunting people who can feel his pain. The doctor realizes the young woman he wrote off as a hypochondriac has a powerful ability to absorb pain and no way to control it.
The doctor decides to hide her from the casino owner, and use her for his own purposes. He convinces her to carry the pain of a dying boy for his own financial gain.
After a lifetime of misery, she learns she can control the pain she absorbs and unleash it on others, setting the stage for an epic battle between pleasure and pain.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Just Can't
I just can't look at my screenplay anymore. I am so tired of editing and tweaking and I just wanna be done. I guess it always works this way.
You start off full of ideas, and by the end you just can't see it anymore. I am ready to move on.
You start off full of ideas, and by the end you just can't see it anymore. I am ready to move on.
Monday, January 21, 2013
So Close
Made a few more changes to the script. I think I'm near the end though. I haven't been waking up in the middle of the night with new things I need to add. Surely it must almost be out of my system.
It is a great feeling though. The going to sleep with a story problem to solve and waking up with the answer right there in my head. I know I am getting help from a Creator bigger than myself. It makes me feel connected to that power. It makes me feel like I am supposed to be writing whatever I'm writing.
When I feel that connection to bigger thoughts, I call it Tapping Into the Flow. I feel like the ideas are flowing through me - not from me. It was a little overwhelming at first. I resisted it because I wanted to feel like I was in control.
Now Tapping Into the Flow is what I look forward to the most when I write. Sometimes it comes while I'm typing and sometimes it comes at random times like in a shower. I do wish I could wake up with the great ideas at say 8am though instead of 3am.
It is a great feeling though. The going to sleep with a story problem to solve and waking up with the answer right there in my head. I know I am getting help from a Creator bigger than myself. It makes me feel connected to that power. It makes me feel like I am supposed to be writing whatever I'm writing.
When I feel that connection to bigger thoughts, I call it Tapping Into the Flow. I feel like the ideas are flowing through me - not from me. It was a little overwhelming at first. I resisted it because I wanted to feel like I was in control.
Now Tapping Into the Flow is what I look forward to the most when I write. Sometimes it comes while I'm typing and sometimes it comes at random times like in a shower. I do wish I could wake up with the great ideas at say 8am though instead of 3am.
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