Just Can't

I just can't look at my screenplay anymore. I am so tired of editing and tweaking and I just wanna be done. I guess it always works this way.

You start off full of ideas, and by the end you just can't see it anymore. I am ready to move on.

So Close

Made a few more changes to the script. I think I'm near the end though. I haven't been waking up in the middle of the night with new things I need to add. Surely it must almost be out of my system.

It is a great feeling though. The going to sleep with a story problem to solve and waking up with the answer right there in my head. I know I am getting help from a Creator bigger than myself. It makes me feel connected to that power. It makes me feel like I am supposed to be writing whatever I'm writing.

When I feel that connection to bigger thoughts, I call it Tapping Into the Flow. I feel like the ideas are flowing through me - not from me. It was a little overwhelming at first. I resisted it because I wanted to feel like I was in control.

Now Tapping Into the Flow is what I look forward to the most when I write. Sometimes it comes while I'm typing and sometimes it comes at random times like in a shower. I do wish I could wake up with the great ideas at say 8am though instead of 3am.

Lessons

I feel like the universe is trying to teach me a lesson.

In the past when I've seen things going south on a project I have moved into Hyper-Meg Mode. Trying to stop the train before it crashed - and usually getting run over in the process.

On a recent project I was told repeatedly it was not my role to try to stop the train. I could tell the conductor things were about to hit the skids, but I was needed more on another track.

Sure enough the train is crashing and I feel this frustration. I also feel this desire to jump in and try to help the survivors. Yet I also see that it still isn't my part to play.  

So what is the universe trying to teach me?

That I should always take control so the train doesn't crash?

That I need to realize that not everything is mine to own? Maybe to learn to be okay with the small things so that I am okay with the really big things I can't control either?

I feel it is important to learn this lesson before I can move forward. I just am not sure what it is. I thought about putting it into the context of the job I want to have (Writer - Novel or Screenplay).

On the one hand writing fiction is the ultimate control - you create a world and the characters - and then you mess up their lives or make them better - maybe both.

At some point though you send your created world into the real one - and you're control begins to fade. You're told to change things, people see things differently than you intended. They own it in their own way.

So friends what is the lesson?

Almost There!

Finished the second draft of the screenplay! I just have a few things to check and then I'm ready to move it on out.

Sure I say that part so easily, but I haven't really got an idea of how it's all gonna work, but somehow I know it will. I don't know why I should be so filled with wild optimism, but sometimes you just feel like it's all going to work.

If I hadn't mentioned it yet - the story is all about pain. I know it sounds really cheerful right... well no, it's not. I'm not all kittens and sarcasm.

I feel like I have been through so much pain in my life, and that all of those experiences have allowed me to write about it. Although the story is different than the pain I've been through, it allowed me to know what my characters would feel like. At least I hope so.

Who is In?

So a few years ago I thought about the best parts of X-mas gifting. Here was my list:

1. Giving the perfect gift to someone - the perfect one - that lights them up.
2. Receiving the perfect gift - the one you want - but would never feel okay about splurging on.
3. Wrapping paper - I like the wrapping and unwrapping. 
4. The look of surprise on your loved one's face. 

So I came up with this brilliant plan to get all of the above:

1. You and your gift recipient come up with a budget for the gift. 
2. You go out and buy yourself the exact present you want. Your recipient does the same and gets whatever they want.
3. You wrap yours and your partner wraps their own gift.
4. On X-Mas you switch gifts and open the other person's gift to themselves. Allowing for unwrapping and surprise. I think it would be so fun to see what the other person really wanted, plus you still get your present back - giving you the perfect gift too.

Who is with me?

Nervous

Well two people are reading my second draft of the screenplay and I am nervous. I hope they like it. Although it isn't the kind of thing I think either of them would normally gravitate too.

I feel like a nervous Mom who's sent her kid to the first day of school. Hoping the other kids like her and if they influence her that it's all for the best.

Decorating?

I feel so torn this year. I love to decorate the house for the holidays. I had stopped for a few sad years and then started up again about three years ago.

It made me so happy to sit reading a book with the twinkle of Christmas lights all over the place. Aside from a few whaps at ornaments and lots of naps under the tree my Finny was a well behaved elder statescat. I miss her so much this year. I just knew last year that is would likely be the last Christmas holiday with my girl. I made a point to enjoy every moment I had with her.

Enter our boy. We just adore him. He is so crazy though, and such a klutz. I know he will be unable to resist, well, everything. I think instead of a star at the top of the tree we will have a very ample-sized kitten.

Ornaments? They don't stand a chance.

The mantle? Questionable. With stockings? Um, no.

The "snow-covered" mini trees on the pass-thru? Dangerous.

The white feather theme? Seems a risky choice at this time.

The delicate glass icicles? Um, maybe never again.