No Reason

Over the last few days, I have encountered an unexpected feeling of anxiety. I don't have a great reason for it, but I keep tripping over it just the same.

Everything is going pretty well actually. I wonder if that is part of the anxiety?

I used to think every time something good happened, something bad was coming. Cosmic karma if you will. I think it was my way of feeling like I controlled the Universe. So if I didn't allow myself to admit, and enjoy the good things, then the bad thing wouldn't come. On some level, it made perfect sense to me. Except it kept me from ever really enjoying life.

I've come a long way, but maybe I haven't completely left it behind. Maybe remnants are still rooted deep, like tree roots waiting to trip me up. I think it's time to hunt out the emotional tree stump and pull it out.

Guess what?

Okay there is still lots of steps to go, but...

I finished the first draft of my screenplay/book. Of course in my head - it was finished a long time ago. It's already a movie, playing for an audience of one.

All those years of it being in my head, haunting me, and now it's all out on the page, and on a flash drive.

I feel relieved, but a bit daunted by all the steps still to come. I will worry about all that later, today I am just going to bask in a sense of accomplishment.