Monday, November 25, 2013

So Exciting

I am feeling pretty excited! I had sent my screenplay off to a "Coverage Service." It's similar to editing for a novel. They rate your script on things like concept, dialogue, characters and plotting. They also give it an overall rating.

My overall rating was a Strong Consider, which is very good for a first attempt. Not yet a Recommend but pretty close. I am so happy to know I was on the right track.

My little script has "a truly original premise, a compelling plot, memorably complex characters and strong dialog throughout." Yippee!! He said my antagonist was sheer cinema candy and might be the sexiest character ever devised. Who knew?   

The Coverer (not sure that is a real term) had a couple of concerns regarding the plot in the middle sections and I think I was able to fix his concerns. So hopefully the next time someone reads it, someone who would buy it, they will. Of course that's the hard part - getting it into the hands of the right person.

It's a bit daunting, but I am just going to follow my instincts and hope that the Universe wants to help. I'm hopeful that someone will help me navigate the waters of Hollywood and avoid the sharks.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Breaking Rules

I was starting to work on my first assignment for my class and I was really struggling. Since it's about embracing your imperfections I thought maybe I should just do the assignments very plainly - nothing fancy - just the facts. It didn't feel like me. It did not feel - happy. I don't want to feel like I have to be perfect, but I do want to be true to myself - and I am a sparkly and glittery person. I don't want to be that serious.

I've decided to embrace my inner rule breaker and make my art journal in an old book I'd bought years ago on the discard table for .25 cents. I gathered up all my pretty iridescent powders and placed it all in a pile for after work.

I was sitting at my desk this afternoon in a boring conference call and I looked over and... Yep friends I made my art tags in the middle of a conference call! I had more fun than anyone has a right to at work. An hour later my call was over and I'd completed my assignment. I was so joyful.

Sometimes breaking the rules, and a little glitter, is all you need.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Fitting In

I signed up to take an e-course (by Oprah and Brene Brown) on Embracing Your Imperfections. I have quite a few to embrace. It's all about learning to embrace who you are and stop caring what everyone else thinks. Something I was surprised that I really do care about, and that I wish I didn't so much.

I had the funniest reaction to my required supply list. It was a short list:
  • A watercolor journal.
  • Watercolor paints. 
  • Brushes.
  • Markers.
  • Double-sided tape. 
Over the years of my artistic struggle, I have amassed a rather large collection of art supplies. I knew I had watercolor pencils (unused) and I felt pretty sure I had a pad of watercolor paper. Yet I wasn't really sure where they were, and the idea of getting "new" supplies had me planning a trip to the art store.

Friday I looked over at the bookshelf in my office and there they were - the pad and the pencils. It was like they were sitting there just waiting for me to need them. Suddenly all this anxiety started to come up inside me.

It wasn't the "official" supplies, which meant I was going to be breaking the rules. I was suddenly back in high school, and I couldn't afford the "right" shoes for gym. I was teased cruelly for the knockoff Vans my mom had purchased. I didn't want to be different then and I didn't now - I wanted to fit in. I wanted to do the assignment correctly and be given an e-pat on the back.

Then another thought occurred to me - I was also afraid I would do a good job and be called out for cheating because I didn't have the right supplies.So essentially I couldn't win.

If I caved and got new supplies, then I was just losing the point of the class. If I did well, then maybe I was cheating. If I did poorly, I could blame my failure on not having the right tools. So my default is to be mediocre by design. I hate that. If I'm going to stink or soar at something I want to do it organically not by my own grand design.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Crabby Kitties

I don't know what got into the boys today, but they were a handful. So crazy because yesterday they were so cute together you could almost hurt yourself from squealing over this scene...

Today they must have gotten into some disagreement (maybe Quill demanded equal time?) and the daily wrestling matches took on an unfriendly tone. Funny that I am not sure who is the one being too aggressive. They both look like they are giving it all they have. Quill outweighs Greyson by a lot but is really gentle, and Greyson is small and scrappy. I have never found even a scratch on Greyson, but he is a squealer. Quill is usually silent but I find an occasional little scab. 

Today wasn't too serious, but I decided to separate them a few times. I worry sometimes that it isn't a fair fight. Of course as soon as I did they cried by the door to get back to each other. 

I'd think we were all friends and then it was "on" again. Sigh. Right now they are sleeping around my chair and seem to be friends again.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013


While I am off this week I think I am going to redecorate my office. My office began it's life as the house junk room. I claimed it as my Craft Room but because I did not spend time crafting in it - it was renamed by hubby as my Crap Room.

It seemed to be a magnet for - well - crap. It's closest to the back door of the house and it was just so easy to toss in the things that came into the house that did not yet have a home. And during my frenzied years of trying to find an artistic voice - it was the place where unused art and craft supplies went to languish and die.

Eventually after a failed attempt at opening a wedding supply store it became the room of failed dreams. A really sad time, but one where I learned a great deal about myself. I wouldn't trade the experience but it was still hard.

Cut ahead to the happy day when I won the job I have of telecommuting and my office became My Office. I made it a place where business happens and cats can nap. But it still retains some of it's former life - wedding supplies in the closet, craft supplies on the shelves, and the occasional dumping ground of things without a home yet.

I think it's time to finally let go of the things I couldn't let go of before. I want my office to reflect what I want my life to become and not be a holdout of the life I gave up. I'm happy for those choices - because they brought me to writing. They brought me home.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Garage Sale

Hubby found out that a few of our neighbors are planning a Garage Sale this weekend. We're not really prepared for a big sale but there sure is some stuff laying around that could go.

On the one hand I love the idea of paring things down and getting rid of things we no longer need. I almost like getting rid of stuff more than acquiring it - okay maybe not that much. On the other hand I always feel a little miffed when people want to dicker.

When we had the last sale I put on what I thought was a fair price (I wanted the stuff to go). Only to have people offer way less than the price I put on it.All I could think about was how much I paid for it originally.

It was painful to see someone offer pennies on my dollars. It had a profound impact on me last time. Every time I thought about buying something I would wonder if it would be on next year's sales table.

It changed the way my hubby thought too. He discovered a real love of the thrill of the sale. He loved to dicker. So I plan on abandoning him and just enjoying the spoils.

So I can go out and get new stuff... on sale. Maybe at our neighbor's garage?

Monday, July 8, 2013


Behold the sparkly glasses - they are still so delightful.
I'm planning on buying software to help me format screenplays. I can use all the help I can get. It all seems like a giant puzzle. I miss novel writing if for no other reason than ease of formatting. 

Okay I miss it for other reasons too. I like making pictures with words. Screenwriting is more like describing the picture with words. I hope that distinction makes sense - it makes sense to me. It seems easier to plot a screenplay and easier to lose yourself in writing a novel (in a good way).

Did I mention how done I already am with Summer? It has been so hot and I thought we were getting a break in temps but that came with humidity. Ugg. I can't wait till October!

Monday, June 24, 2013

Feeling Lost

No surprise. I am feeling a little lost again. I find myself here so often you would think I'd know the way out by now. I guess when you don't know which way to go - you just need to go somewhere. I'm certain that doing nothing is - doing nothing.

Yet doing nothing is so easy. Really. Just kick up my feet and wait for something. Seems a little passive, especially when I think aggressive is what's called for.

I think I am just feeling a little insecure about my screenplay and the idea of sending out query letters seems a little scary. So if I think it needs something - then I should fix it and get on with it. If I think it's good, then I should get it out there and let someone else tell me differently.

I am even considering taking the time to write it as a novel first. Yes - that is a clear stall technique.I may still want to do that - but it shouldn't prevent me from moving forward.

I read a book that gave some bleak odds on getting a script sold. I'm sure that's true but the chance of failure is 100% if I give up without trying. Just let it go crazy lady! Get on with it!!

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Can I Get a Hooray?

Well I have to proof it but I finally finished my query letter. Woot! I found writing the two paragraphs to summarize my script was way harder than writing the 120 pages that came before.

I wrote a ton of different variations, and thought of so many more variations until I was sick of it all. I admit I was stuck. I was too much in my head and trying to hard to get in my own way - something I am very good at.

Maybe I should make getting in your own way a sport at Cat-A-Lympics? I could take gold.

So what moved me off my perch? I was cleaning out a forgotten drawer and I found the notebook I used to take notes when I took my writing classes about five years ago. I'm sure it was divine inspiration that made me clean out the drawer - certainly it is not an urge that strikes me on a regular day.

Somehow looking back at the notes a younger me made me realize how far I've come and that I'm ready to move forward. I'd also written a list of what my emotional True North would look and feel like - and I saw I was on the right path.

And just like magic, when I realized I was ready, the words arrived. Of course they came at 4am, as most of my good ideas do - when my ability to block them is lowest. I almost went back to sleep with the a sense of acomplishment - then I realized I'd have to hurt myself if I forgot them before getting them down.

I decided to go into my office like a workday. I wrote down the words in my own hand (with kitties batting at the pen) and I imagined the things that may happen because I was brave enough to write them down. Whatever comes, I know I am ready to take this next step. Ready to be rejected and ready to be accepted too. Ready to stand on my feet and have faith that what happens is exactly what needs to happen. 

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Irritated with Myself

I am starting to feel a little cross with myself. I have a ton of things I should be doing and I'm not doing any of them. I am very busy - distracting myself.

If I could be okay with avoiding things that would be one thing, but I'm not. I spend more mental energy being upset with myself than it would take to just get it done. It's such a waste of time and effort.

I guess they call it a block for good reasons. I do feel all blocked up. I need to get back to a place of optimism to a place of confidence.

So this weekend I am going to have some conversations with myself and my creator and ask for some help to move forward again. I need some help to embrace whatever the next phase is going to look like.

I think I am going to take myself out on a date. Treat myself to something that interests me and feeds that part of me that needs a little TLC. I'm not sure what it will be yet - but I think it seems like a positive step to take... to offer myself love instead of just being a harsh critic.

What do you do to treat yourself with kindness?

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Picture Imperfect

On my wedding anniversary I thought you might enjoy this little story about the day it all happened. Please enjoy.

I have noticed much attention is spent these days on creating “The Bride’s Perfect Wedding Day”. I find that amusing for two reasons. The groom is entirely left out of the sentence, as if he is just an accessory and somehow the day does not apply to him. Secondly, that for me, it is the imperfect things about our wedding I cherish the most twenty-two years later. 

I look back with great fondness on all the ways our wedding was less than picture perfect. The beautiful bouquets we spent days creating that were somehow left behind before we walked down the aisle, the lovely shoes that hurt my feet so bad I went through the reception barefoot (with no one but my husband the wiser), and the wedding cake fight we all had in front of my mother’s house when it was all over. I treasure those memories as much, if not more, than the moments that were perfect.

We hired a photographer to document “Our Perfect Day” and I love those “Picture Perfect” photographs. The one with me looking down at my bouquet (which thankfully, finally, made an appearance) with my new husband leaning in to give me a sweet kiss on the forehead, and the one that somehow miraculously took off an extra ten pounds (really twenty, it is that good!) as we stare into each others eyes with love.  There are many other pictures from our wedding I love, but again, for me, the two pictures I cherish the most are the ones that capture the imperfect moment. 

In the first picture, the whole wedding party is lined up to take a group shot. The photographer was trying to place us and ensure that everything looked perfect. All of our eyes were on the photographer as he gave us instructions on how and where to stand, except for my husband. Another photographer was also trying to document this moment and stood at slightly different vantage point. As we all focused in another direction, my husband looked at this other photographer and smiled the sweetest smile I can ever imagine. It is the smile of a five year old boy who has awakened to discover the perfect present has been left for him and that in fact it is better than the commercials promised it would be. In that moment I see all the joy my husband felt in marrying me. I still cry when he smiles at me that way, because I know that I am still his favorite present and he is mine. 

The other photograph I cherish is of my family. They are all outside enjoying the patio, the light is soft and gentle and dappled by trees. My father is holding my niece in his arms, my grandmother is sitting close by, my mother and my sister are standing next to them, and they are all laughing as if they just heard an amusing story. There are two pictures of this moment. The first is a normal picture, everything is in focus and in frame, no eyes are closed or mouths open unattractively.

The other version though is perfect to me. It is taken a millisecond later, as if the photographer hit the button again in error and had not meant to take this picture at all. No one has changed position and everything looks just the same, until you really look. This picture is just slightly out of focus, each person is slightly blurred but the background is still in focus. Perhaps the photographer was moving just a bit, but I think that my family was struck even more by the laughter from the imagined story. Each set of eyes are gleaming just a bit brighter.   

I love this picture for many reasons. It is one of the few pictures I have of my beloved grandmother, as she never felt she took a good picture and rarely allowed it. I do not often have the opportunity to see my father, as he lives far away and is often not well enough to make the trip. My niece was a newborn and it was one of the first times my father was able to hold her. My sister was beaming with the joy of being a new mother, a joy that had proved difficult for her to achieve. My mother is also rarely seen in pictures, as she too feels that the camera does not like her. So this group is rare to see together and that alone would make the first picture of this moment perfect. 

I love it more than the other normal picture because it looks as if in that blurred focus that they are frozen in that perfect moment of joy. All the people I love, in one picture imperfect moment.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

The Little Things

Sometimes it's the little things that mean the world to me.

Monday night we had a horrible wind storm in town. It sounded like the house was in the Dyson. I turned over in the bed and was so happy to see Quill in his old spot on his wobbie next to me.

Unless the door was shut, with Greyson firmly on the other side, Quill had given up his spot to Greyson. He was spending his nights under the bed or at the end of the bed. Meanwhile Greyson was sprawled in his old spot.

I couldn't help but feel a little guilty that Greyson had booted him out of his spot. I was taking time to make Quill feel welcome in the bed as often as I could. Secret meetings when we could snuggle like old times.

So when I saw he was scared and close to me I was so happy he felt safe there again.

A short time later Greyson came onboard. I thought Quill would move but instead Greyson tucked in next to him and they both stayed put.

They have been enjoying the bed with us ever since.  Greyson comes first and once he's out, Quill comes up.

My heart just soars when I hear Quill purring his way to sleep again beside me. I just love looking over and seeing both my boys with me. Sometimes it's the little things - sleeping alongside the big things - that make me happy.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

So Ready

I have been working on this project for awhile at work and I can see the end in my sights. I am so ready for it to be over. Sometimes you just want to be in to something new and different.

I have been in my job for a year and I still feel like each project is something totally new to learn. I like learning new things. Even on the hardest day - I still am so grateful for my job. I love writing. I love working from home. I love my furry co-workers.

Still I know the next job I want is to be able to write things I truly care about. Write stories that change the way people think - maybe make them laugh or cry.

I can't wait for the day I get to sit down at my desk as a (well paid) writer. It's so exciting to think about! I just hope it's not too far away.

Until then I will continue to be so happy for everything I have... and maybe plan for a little vacation. I think some time off might bring everything into focus.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Finally Friday

Friday I am so glad you're back! Boy have I missed you this week!

It has been a rough week at work. I am ready for the break. My best pal is coming to town and I am taking Monday off. Projects be darned.

The kitties have taken to a few rounds of wrestle mania in my office at about 9am every morning this week. I happen to have been on conference calls for each round.

I've had to scramble to shoo them out of the office - actually one of them - to calm things down.

Things always seem to start with a bath. One of them starts to give the other a bath - soon the licks become chews and then it's ON. This week things seem a bit more intense - but they both keep coming back for more. I decided to spray a little calming spray around all the hot spots. We'll see how it goes.

Next week is Quill's Birthday - at least the one I backed into. I can't believe my sweet boy is a year old already. In May it will be his Gotcha Day.

Between now and then there will be a sad anniversary. The day I lost my girl Finny. I still miss her so, but I am always comforted by the feeling she is here with me. I can't be sad for too long when I have two handsome kitty faces staring back at me with love.

Monday, April 8, 2013


I was strolling through the grocery store the other day when I spied them. A whole display of lovely orchid plants.

I just love orchids. I had them all over my wedding, so many years ago. The are special to me. They're so delicate and yet sturdy too. Often they need a little support to stand tall and I think it's a nice reminder that we all need a little support sometimes.

Now, I love them - too much to take them home. Because I fear I am a killer - of plants. I do try to keep them healthy. I tend to be an overwaterer. Kill em with kindness is my motto.

Plus of course they are pricey and I have mentioned before I am a little cheap. I typically can't justify 20+ dollars for a plant.

So like every other time I see the bounty of loveliness - I headed right over to admire them. Then I saw the price. A 4.99 Easter blow-out. Seriously? Five bucks! Seriously!

So now I have a lovely orchid plant on the kitchen counter. Creamy white petals with bold pink centers. I am enjoying them so very much.

No special occasion - just life - and I'm seeing that is reason enough to treat yourself to something special. 

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Settling In

Well the kittens are settling in to the routine together. I am so happy they are getting along so well. I was so worried. I tend to do that though. Worry.

It is such a useless activity. It doesn't fix any problem. If you believe in the idea the universe brings you what you think about the most - then it may actually be hurting things. It doesn't seem to make it any easier for me to stop it though.

Worrying is one of those activities I'd like to give up. Maybe take up faithing instead. I'd like to replace worry with believing that everything is as it should be. All part of the grand design.

Sunday, March 17, 2013


Well finally you get a real perk for reading this blog. 

First peek.

Better limber up your squee muscles.

Meet our Greyson. 

I'll be sharing all the details on my Housecat Confidential blog, but here's the low down. We scooped up Greyson last Monday. I had met him about two weeks before, but he had a very bad cold and was put in quarantine. 

He is about 4 months old. He is very friendly and playful. He likes to wrestle and therein lies my worry. He and Quill are getting along pretty well, but Quill isn't always sure how to take the little fella. 

I've never had two cats before, so I don't always know what is acceptable play and when things are getting a little too hot. Greyson will pounce Quill and then Quill gives chase and it usually ends in a wrestle. After awhile of that things seem to get a little hotter. When I put one in the cool zone they cry to get back together and play patty paws under the door.

Greyson is a frustrated squeaker (he squeaks at us too at times). So it's hard to tell if he's in trouble or just frustrated he can't get the upper paw. 

He is a bit bossy too, he likes to push Quill out of his dish and wants to share Quill's window posts. So I don't want to take away Quill's right to defend his status either.

Greyson seems to want to snuggle with Quill. Quill has given him some sweet licks. They are falling asleep closer and closer.  So I think things are working themselves out. Any advice is welcome, cause we really want it to work out.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Looking Ahead

I feel a little adrift right now. At first I was enjoying the lack of driving focus, but now it's starting to feel a little too unfocused.

I think I need to recenter myself and figure out where I need and want to go next in my life. I need to figure out the destination of the next phase of my life's journey.

I also need to trust in the path that will get me there. So often I want to see exactly where my next step will take me... usually before I take it.

I tend to be a worrier and spend too much of my mental energy focused on what could wrong. I want to change my focus and instead think about what can go right.

Time to hit my journal again and try to find my center and my focus. Reconnect with the core of myself and set my compass back to my True North.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Farwell Fridge

After many years of needing a new one, we got a new fridge!

I'm trying not to feel guilty about my purchase and feeling a need to justify buying a fridge. Old habits die hard. Cause we really needed a new fridge.

Over the years many of the bars on the door broke. Hubby has glued and taped to keep it all together. One of us got the bright idea to use a bungee cord to hold in the peas on the freezer door. Yep, we were pretty proud of that piece of ingenuity.

The new fridge was a splurge and so worth it. Every time I open the door and it lights up I have this "Ahhhhh" moment. I have positioned the water jug so the light comes through it and it sparkles. Yes I know that sounds like a crazy person, but I really love it.

I realized my food was not looking up to snuff. So I bought some new containers too. First time I used one my hubby thought they were the disposable kind and threw it in the trash. I found it in the bag at the curb just in time. Whew.

Our power company has a recycling program and they came to pick up the old fridge. On it's way down the driveway I see this giant cloud of dust coming off the coils in the back. I had sudden visions of Pigpen. I was glad the guy was walking in front of it, and that there was a good stiff breeze.

Oddly I wasn't that sad to see the old ham safe go.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Playing Hooky

Friday I played hooky from work with a friend. It was such a nice time.

What is it about taking time out from the routine that just can perk you up? I really needed a break.  We window shopped till we dropped. 

Maybe I should take another time out and see a movie in the middle of the week. Scandalous.

I know my hooky days are pretty tame, but still it was enough.

I think it's time to move forward with getting the screenplay out into the world. In the meantime it's been an odd time of mental rest.

The story has been in my head - demanding to be let out - for so long. It feels different to not have it pressing against my conscious for awhile.

Have you ever had a creative idea move in to your head and refuse to leave until it's been expressed?

Next time one takes root I'll be less afraid of that feeling and be faster about getting it out.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Jumping In

So posting about the script last week to all of you gave me the courage to jump a little farther. I sent out my pitch to a couple of high school pals in the business. We'll see what happens - no word yet.

The story about the woman who feels other peoples pain is not autobiographical I'm happy to report. I have always felt pain deeply - at least I think I do.

When I was a kid my family often accused me of being overly dramatic when it came to pain. After many years - I began to wonder if they were right. Did I have a lower tolerance to the bumps and bruises of life? If I did, was it all in my head or was it really in my body.

Very early in life I had a desire to show someone what my pain felt like - or to see what their pain felt like to them. Pain is so subjective - and so personal. It is felt physically and emotionally different by everyone.

As a young woman I developed an autoimmune illness that caused me daily pain. My pain became something I had to find a way to live with. I tried to find the silver lining in feeling the way I did. I can't say I've welcomed my pain, but I have found ways to accept it.

When my hubby developed a horrifyingly painful condition, my whole view of pain changed. I remember seeing him in such pain and telling him that if I could take away his pain I would. He said something that surprised me so much.

He said he loved me too much to allow me to suffer instead. I realized how much that answer meant to me.How much more I loved him because of his answer.

Monday, February 18, 2013


I'll admit it, I'm stalling.

I've gone to all the trouble of writing a screenplay and it's pretty much time to start knocking on doors (virtually) and getting the word out there.

It's a little scary.

But I didn't do all that work to have it sit on my hard drive. So I just need to get over it and get on with it.

I need to be ready for the idea that not everyone will like it. I also need to get used to the idea that someone really will like it.

So I am going to put it out into the universe with the same loving energy that helped me write it. In fact I'm going to tell you all about it. It's about time right... Ta da!

Pain by Proxy

Imagine pain and pleasure are energies extending beyond our bodies, and hidden among us are people who  can manipulate these energies. What would you give to take away the pain of someone you love?

A pleasure-addicted casino owner forces a doctor into hunting people who can feel his pain. The doctor realizes the young woman he wrote off as a hypochondriac has a powerful ability to absorb pain and no way to control it.

The doctor decides to hide her from the casino owner, and use her for his own purposes. He convinces her to carry the pain of a dying boy for his own financial gain.

After a lifetime of misery, she learns she can control the pain she absorbs and unleash it on others, setting the stage for an epic battle between pleasure and pain.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Just Can't

I just can't look at my screenplay anymore. I am so tired of editing and tweaking and I just wanna be done. I guess it always works this way.

You start off full of ideas, and by the end you just can't see it anymore. I am ready to move on.

Monday, January 21, 2013

So Close

Made a few more changes to the script. I think I'm near the end though. I haven't been waking up in the middle of the night with new things I need to add. Surely it must almost be out of my system.

It is a great feeling though. The going to sleep with a story problem to solve and waking up with the answer right there in my head. I know I am getting help from a Creator bigger than myself. It makes me feel connected to that power. It makes me feel like I am supposed to be writing whatever I'm writing.

When I feel that connection to bigger thoughts, I call it Tapping Into the Flow. I feel like the ideas are flowing through me - not from me. It was a little overwhelming at first. I resisted it because I wanted to feel like I was in control.

Now Tapping Into the Flow is what I look forward to the most when I write. Sometimes it comes while I'm typing and sometimes it comes at random times like in a shower. I do wish I could wake up with the great ideas at say 8am though instead of 3am.

Thursday, January 10, 2013


I feel like the universe is trying to teach me a lesson.

In the past when I've seen things going south on a project I have moved into Hyper-Meg Mode. Trying to stop the train before it crashed - and usually getting run over in the process.

On a recent project I was told repeatedly it was not my role to try to stop the train. I could tell the conductor things were about to hit the skids, but I was needed more on another track.

Sure enough the train is crashing and I feel this frustration. I also feel this desire to jump in and try to help the survivors. Yet I also see that it still isn't my part to play.  

So what is the universe trying to teach me?

That I should always take control so the train doesn't crash?

That I need to realize that not everything is mine to own? Maybe to learn to be okay with the small things so that I am okay with the really big things I can't control either?

I feel it is important to learn this lesson before I can move forward. I just am not sure what it is. I thought about putting it into the context of the job I want to have (Writer - Novel or Screenplay).

On the one hand writing fiction is the ultimate control - you create a world and the characters - and then you mess up their lives or make them better - maybe both.

At some point though you send your created world into the real one - and you're control begins to fade. You're told to change things, people see things differently than you intended. They own it in their own way.

So friends what is the lesson?

Monday, January 7, 2013

Almost There!

Finished the second draft of the screenplay! I just have a few things to check and then I'm ready to move it on out.

Sure I say that part so easily, but I haven't really got an idea of how it's all gonna work, but somehow I know it will. I don't know why I should be so filled with wild optimism, but sometimes you just feel like it's all going to work.

If I hadn't mentioned it yet - the story is all about pain. I know it sounds really cheerful right... well no, it's not. I'm not all kittens and sarcasm.

I feel like I have been through so much pain in my life, and that all of those experiences have allowed me to write about it. Although the story is different than the pain I've been through, it allowed me to know what my characters would feel like. At least I hope so.