Nervous

Well two people are reading my second draft of the screenplay and I am nervous. I hope they like it. Although it isn't the kind of thing I think either of them would normally gravitate too.

I feel like a nervous Mom who's sent her kid to the first day of school. Hoping the other kids like her and if they influence her that it's all for the best.

Decorating?

I feel so torn this year. I love to decorate the house for the holidays. I had stopped for a few sad years and then started up again about three years ago.

It made me so happy to sit reading a book with the twinkle of Christmas lights all over the place. Aside from a few whaps at ornaments and lots of naps under the tree my Finny was a well behaved elder statescat. I miss her so much this year. I just knew last year that is would likely be the last Christmas holiday with my girl. I made a point to enjoy every moment I had with her.

Enter our boy. We just adore him. He is so crazy though, and such a klutz. I know he will be unable to resist, well, everything. I think instead of a star at the top of the tree we will have a very ample-sized kitten.

Ornaments? They don't stand a chance.

The mantle? Questionable. With stockings? Um, no.

The "snow-covered" mini trees on the pass-thru? Dangerous.

The white feather theme? Seems a risky choice at this time.

The delicate glass icicles? Um, maybe never again.

Real

I finished the second draft of the screen play (someday book). Yippee! I think it probably needs a little breather to gain objectivity and then another go through.

I started to write it as a book too. It seems to take a totally different part of my brain, and it's oddly disconcerting.

I've been working on it for such a long time - and thinking about for far longer than that.

It was really the oddest thing though. Last night when hubby brought me the first printed out copy I had the most emotional reaction. It felt so real, so substantial suddenly. I almost started to cry.

Funny how being able to touch something in your hands makes it so different.

Working

I've started my review of my first draft. Overall I think I had a good first effort. I've thought of some things to add in, and found some things to take out so far.

I feel like I really know and understand all the characters now.I get what makes them tick, and how they would react. Now I just have to make sure it's clear to the audience, but without being too clear either.

I feel like it's going to come together though. I wasn't always so sure it would. Writing smaller things it's easier to see where you are going, and tweak what you started when it ends differently than you thought. When you have hundred and twenty pages of content it's daunting to think of changing direction - even a small change ripples through.

For the longest time I felt like I was all changes. Next time I may do this whole process a little differently. Not sure how, but maybe different, or maybe not. Maybe all I was missing when I started was faith in the fact it would all work out. 

No Reason

Over the last few days, I have encountered an unexpected feeling of anxiety. I don't have a great reason for it, but I keep tripping over it just the same.

Everything is going pretty well actually. I wonder if that is part of the anxiety?

I used to think every time something good happened, something bad was coming. Cosmic karma if you will. I think it was my way of feeling like I controlled the Universe. So if I didn't allow myself to admit, and enjoy the good things, then the bad thing wouldn't come. On some level, it made perfect sense to me. Except it kept me from ever really enjoying life.

I've come a long way, but maybe I haven't completely left it behind. Maybe remnants are still rooted deep, like tree roots waiting to trip me up. I think it's time to hunt out the emotional tree stump and pull it out.

Guess what?

Okay there is still lots of steps to go, but...

I finished the first draft of my screenplay/book. Of course in my head - it was finished a long time ago. It's already a movie, playing for an audience of one.

All those years of it being in my head, haunting me, and now it's all out on the page, and on a flash drive.

I feel relieved, but a bit daunted by all the steps still to come. I will worry about all that later, today I am just going to bask in a sense of accomplishment.

Fall!

What makes you realize Fall is here?

Living in Nevada it is sometimes hard to tell. It's almost October 1, and you wouldn't know it was Fall based on the temperature - it's still in the 90's. It always feels like it's warm until about the week of Halloween, and then the next week Winter sets in.

As for changing leaves, well we only have about 10 trees in the state that change leaf color. I don't mean 10 species of trees either - I mean 10 actual trees. Okay, I might be exaggerating, but I don't think so. Those 10 trees have a real problem too, by the time they realize they need to start changing their leaves, it's time to start dropping them.

I love Fall though. If I had my way, Summer would end on July 5th. Well, maybe give it another week or two, move up Labor Day and then right into Fall.

So what tells me Fall is here?

It used to be seeing Halloween and Thanksgiving decorations in the craft store. But now they are putting those out in July. Actually I think they are taking my wishes seriously. Yay for me.

The way I really feel like Fall is here? Magazines. I received two magazines in the mail this week and both of them featured Fall! Halloween and Thanksgiving were all over them! I want to roast a vegetable so bad! I'm off to the store to get a butternut squash and a sweet potato.

I'm changing over to my Fall air fresheners too. Hello Cinnamon and Nutmeg! Welcome back!

Maybe I'll just turn down the A/C so it feels cold.