Working

I've started my review of my first draft. Overall I think I had a good first effort. I've thought of some things to add in, and found some things to take out so far.

I feel like I really know and understand all the characters now.I get what makes them tick, and how they would react. Now I just have to make sure it's clear to the audience, but without being too clear either.

I feel like it's going to come together though. I wasn't always so sure it would. Writing smaller things it's easier to see where you are going, and tweak what you started when it ends differently than you thought. When you have hundred and twenty pages of content it's daunting to think of changing direction - even a small change ripples through.

For the longest time I felt like I was all changes. Next time I may do this whole process a little differently. Not sure how, but maybe different, or maybe not. Maybe all I was missing when I started was faith in the fact it would all work out. 

No Reason

Over the last few days, I have encountered an unexpected feeling of anxiety. I don't have a great reason for it, but I keep tripping over it just the same.

Everything is going pretty well actually. I wonder if that is part of the anxiety?

I used to think every time something good happened, something bad was coming. Cosmic karma if you will. I think it was my way of feeling like I controlled the Universe. So if I didn't allow myself to admit, and enjoy the good things, then the bad thing wouldn't come. On some level, it made perfect sense to me. Except it kept me from ever really enjoying life.

I've come a long way, but maybe I haven't completely left it behind. Maybe remnants are still rooted deep, like tree roots waiting to trip me up. I think it's time to hunt out the emotional tree stump and pull it out.

Guess what?

Okay there is still lots of steps to go, but...

I finished the first draft of my screenplay/book. Of course in my head - it was finished a long time ago. It's already a movie, playing for an audience of one.

All those years of it being in my head, haunting me, and now it's all out on the page, and on a flash drive.

I feel relieved, but a bit daunted by all the steps still to come. I will worry about all that later, today I am just going to bask in a sense of accomplishment.

Fall!

What makes you realize Fall is here?

Living in Nevada it is sometimes hard to tell. It's almost October 1, and you wouldn't know it was Fall based on the temperature - it's still in the 90's. It always feels like it's warm until about the week of Halloween, and then the next week Winter sets in.

As for changing leaves, well we only have about 10 trees in the state that change leaf color. I don't mean 10 species of trees either - I mean 10 actual trees. Okay, I might be exaggerating, but I don't think so. Those 10 trees have a real problem too, by the time they realize they need to start changing their leaves, it's time to start dropping them.

I love Fall though. If I had my way, Summer would end on July 5th. Well, maybe give it another week or two, move up Labor Day and then right into Fall.

So what tells me Fall is here?

It used to be seeing Halloween and Thanksgiving decorations in the craft store. But now they are putting those out in July. Actually I think they are taking my wishes seriously. Yay for me.

The way I really feel like Fall is here? Magazines. I received two magazines in the mail this week and both of them featured Fall! Halloween and Thanksgiving were all over them! I want to roast a vegetable so bad! I'm off to the store to get a butternut squash and a sweet potato.

I'm changing over to my Fall air fresheners too. Hello Cinnamon and Nutmeg! Welcome back!

Maybe I'll just turn down the A/C so it feels cold.

More Random

Well the Mammogram was all good. I didn't need to worry after all. I hate going to the Doctor. It gets me so stressed out. I think even more as I get older - and I know it's rarely fun and games. So check the chore off the list for now, and add on Dentist. Sigh.

So I abandoned my baby kitten (okay he is almost six months) for two whole days. Of course I pushed all of the anxiety on him in my mind. Meanwhile, I was more nervous than he was I'm sure. He has remained attached to my leg (sometimes literally) since I came home. Poor kitten.

We had such a nice time, but I have to admit I am a homebody... and my body prefers to be home too. I mentioned recently about my issues with hives... so when there are changes to my world, my body gets crabby and hivey.

I have spent so much time over the last few years trying to keep things the same, because of the anticipation of pain.It has made me think of my life in small terms, and I want to start thinking of my life in bigger terms. I want to think big and be small (in size), instead of the reverse.

Random

Pardon the randomness of news today.

Item One - I went for a mammogram today. I don't know if you know, but I have a condition that causes me to get hives from physical pressure. So you can imagine the day after a mammogram is not a lot of fun for me. Glad it's over though.

Item Two - I get an email from Amazon letting me know about products and books I might be interested in. I appreciate they care about me enough to give me ideas on how to spend money. Seriously I like a well thought out recommendation. So today I noticed Housecat Confidential as a subject line in an email from Amazon. That's right they recommend my own book to me. Apparently I am my own customer! How fun is that?

Item Three - I am about 7 pages away from finishing the first draft of my screenplay/future book!! I am so excited to finish. All this storyline swirling in my head for so long, and finally it is almost all out of me and on the page. I have lots of rewrites ahead of course, but I am going to be so happy to see complete. I always worry that I don't have the fortitude to finish what I start, so when I accomplish something it's a big deal for me. 

Fall?

Fall? Where are you buddy?

I miss you. It is too darned hot still. Mr Summer has overstayed his welcome here.

I can't wait to start to walk outdoors again. Actually to do anything outside really.

I feel like I hibernate all Summer, and come out of my cave around this time of year. I feel like the Groundhog of Groundhog Day fame. I stick my head out of my warren, and if it's over 100 degrees it's going to be two more weeks of Summer.

I shall continue to look for you pal.