Random

Pardon the randomness of news today.

Item One - I went for a mammogram today. I don't know if you know, but I have a condition that causes me to get hives from physical pressure. So you can imagine the day after a mammogram is not a lot of fun for me. Glad it's over though.

Item Two - I get an email from Amazon letting me know about products and books I might be interested in. I appreciate they care about me enough to give me ideas on how to spend money. Seriously I like a well thought out recommendation. So today I noticed Housecat Confidential as a subject line in an email from Amazon. That's right they recommend my own book to me. Apparently I am my own customer! How fun is that?

Item Three - I am about 7 pages away from finishing the first draft of my screenplay/future book!! I am so excited to finish. All this storyline swirling in my head for so long, and finally it is almost all out of me and on the page. I have lots of rewrites ahead of course, but I am going to be so happy to see complete. I always worry that I don't have the fortitude to finish what I start, so when I accomplish something it's a big deal for me. 

Fall?

Fall? Where are you buddy?

I miss you. It is too darned hot still. Mr Summer has overstayed his welcome here.

I can't wait to start to walk outdoors again. Actually to do anything outside really.

I feel like I hibernate all Summer, and come out of my cave around this time of year. I feel like the Groundhog of Groundhog Day fame. I stick my head out of my warren, and if it's over 100 degrees it's going to be two more weeks of Summer.

I shall continue to look for you pal.

Rough Week

The best part of working at home?

When you have one of those days at the office - when you just wish you could have a good, five-minute cry in your bed - you can.

Okay, maybe it isn't the best part. I do love my furry co-worker too.

The worst part of working from home?

Knowing all the work you have piling up on your desk is only twenty-five feet away from your bed - with a kitten lounging on it. 

Some days I can tell any rough patch is, at least in part hormonally-charged, but I think I had some legitimately rough edges this week.

Although the desire to hook-up an IV drip of chocolate by the desk - does point back to hormones.

I have a couple of days of vacation, making for a very long weekend. I am thrilled. I plan on averting my eyes whenever I walk past my office. Quill might not appreciate the lock-out.

He enjoys putting in the full eight - he even puts in overtime and sleeps through lunch.

Who me?

I had the oddest call the other day. Some nice lady called me to ask me about my charge card. Had I been shopping that morning?

Nope.

Did I buy a hundred bucks worth of perfume?

Um, never in my life.

Did I spend a couple hundred at a jewelry store?

No, but I wish! Hey Hubby, did you buy me any presents today? Hm, no.


How about four hundred at a lingerie store-

Stop right there, Uh, you got the wrong lady!

Someone stole my credit card number, and they were out in the world having a great time with it.  A far better time than I have ever had with it for sure.

I was so grateful a they noticed the odd spending pattern in the same day it started. They were able to take steps to cancel my card immediately.

Apparently my cheap ways made it easy to spot the change quickly and efficiently. So at least there's good news.

Alarming

I finally decided to say goodbye to my alarm clock. The on and off button for the radio has been broken for ages. It never worked well, then after years of struggling to push it on and off, it broke in the off position. I don't use the radio - except for waking up of course - so I wasn't too concerned. It still came on in the morning, and turned off, if I used the switch to turn off the alarm.

Sure I had no way of knowing what the sound volume was like - always a surprise in the morning. Would I hear it at all - or would it blow me out of the sheets. No wonder Fin and Quill hated it so.

I typically always wake up before my alarm goes off. Years of a fur alarm named Fin helped. I don't care to hear alarms at all. I stop the microwave seconds before it goes off too, for the same reason. 

Quill is happy to sleep in, so when I saw alarm clocks on sale in a Back to School sale, I decided it was time to go for a new one yesterday. I was pretty excited when I plugged her in. I set right to getting the time correct.

I discovered it has a weekday and a weekend alarm. Sweet.

It figured out the time zone automatically - and changes itself when the time changes! Seriously!

Well last night came the best part. The power transformer down the street was struck by a car and all the power went out in the middle of the night. After about an hour the power came back on - thankfully. Of course it was a Saturday night, I wasn't too worried about setting the time, so I didn't.

I woke up this morning, expecting to be disoriented by not knowing the time, and I looked over to discover it had set itself! Yep my new super-charged alarm clock set itself to the correct time. I guess it scans (something?) and sets its own time.

All this for $19.99! I wonder if it makes breakfast too?

Balance

Saturday I went out shopping with a good friend who used to be my co-worker. She moved on to a new position about six months before I did. Her departure was part of what convinced me to look. I saw how happy she was in her new job, and it encouraged me.

Talking with her again, I was reminded about how frustrated I had been in my old job. I have a serious disease to please - and in the end, it ends up displeasing me. Each time I start a job, I promise myself I am not going to fall into the same trap, but eventually I find myself ending up there anyway. I want so much to do a good job, and get my figurative pat on the head. I end up sacrificing myself in the bargain.

I always try to go above and beyond. I guess that wouldn't be a bad thing except, eventually above and beyond becomes the new normal. It becomes the expectation I have to live up too. So I bring it up another notch... and so on.

Cut to five years later and I am typically exhausted and bitter. Yet it really is my own fault. I am not good at setting boundaries. I am not good at stepping back, and saying it's okay to let some things go. Instead I get a giant case of the "It's Not Fair!" and become a martyr.

When I get to this point of overload, I'm too tired to move on. So afraid wherever I go will be worse than where I am. I hate being in that bad place. So afraid of what could be out there, that I stop imagining what could be out there for me. 

Why do I always assume the grass is browner on the other side?

How do I keep myself true to going above and beyond when it's required, but learning to put myself first when it's not? 

Looking Forward

My hubby found my senior class picture recently. It was such an odd experience for me. I thought about two things.

One - I really like the original color of my hair. It has been years since I have really seen that color. I had totally forgotten what color it used to be, before dye. It was like a dark, reddish blonde. Kinda of like a light auburn, but not like the colors I've tried from a box. So how much of a dork do I seem if I bring my senior picture into the salon and say - make my hair this color?

Two - Hubby asked me what I was thinking about with my serious face photo in my pearls. I'm sure I was thinking something like "Like, this is my SENIOR picture! Like, I hope it turns out cute, like it's my SENIOR picture!" Yes, I, like, was a Valley Girl.

It did get me thinking though.. what did that girl want to be when she grew up? If she saw where she landed at 46 would she be surprised? Would she (like) be (like) disappointed?

She thought she would be an actress. She did like writing, but she thought everyone could do it. I do think she would be upset at the state of her butt... and I know she would tell me to dye this (like) mousey gray mop of hair.