And We're Back

It's been a long time since I've posted on this blog my friends. I can't say I'll post too often. How about, I'll post when I feel compelled to say something, rather than feel compelled because of some external force.

Today I'm posting to say my book, which began as a screenplay is about to be out. Pain By Proxy is up for pre-sale on the e-book stores.

Isn't the cover pretty? My big sis made it!

It'll go live on the 16th of April and I'm super excited... and a little scared.

It's been such a long journey, and it hasn't been easy, and now for better or worse, it's over. I worry that I'm throwing a party and no one will come. I suppose that's the way you always feel when you finish a creative project.

You put your heart and soul into something, and then you put it out into the world to find it's place. You hope it'll find acceptance, and no one will take it's lunch money.

In these moments of fear and doubt, I wonder why I felt it necessary to do it at all... because I did feel it was necessary. I tried to ignore the call, and it wouldn't leave me. I have to trust there was a reason, and a purpose, and give up my fears.

So off into the world you go, little booky. Play nice with the other books! And if anyone's mean to you, well you know what to do - I made you strong and capable of kicking butt for a reason.

So Exciting

I am feeling pretty excited! I had sent my screenplay off to a "Coverage Service." It's similar to editing for a novel. They rate your script on things like concept, dialogue, characters and plotting. They also give it an overall rating.

My overall rating was a Strong Consider, which is very good for a first attempt. Not yet a Recommend but pretty close. I am so happy to know I was on the right track.

My little script has "a truly original premise, a compelling plot, memorably complex characters and strong dialog throughout." Yippee!! He said my antagonist was sheer cinema candy and might be the sexiest character ever devised. Who knew?   

The Coverer (not sure that is a real term) had a couple of concerns regarding the plot in the middle sections and I think I was able to fix his concerns. So hopefully the next time someone reads it, someone who would buy it, they will. Of course that's the hard part - getting it into the hands of the right person.

It's a bit daunting, but I am just going to follow my instincts and hope that the Universe wants to help. I'm hopeful that someone will help me navigate the waters of Hollywood and avoid the sharks.

Breaking Rules

I was starting to work on my first assignment for my class and I was really struggling. Since it's about embracing your imperfections I thought maybe I should just do the assignments very plainly - nothing fancy - just the facts. It didn't feel like me. It did not feel - happy. I don't want to feel like I have to be perfect, but I do want to be true to myself - and I am a sparkly and glittery person. I don't want to be that serious.

I've decided to embrace my inner rule breaker and make my art journal in an old book I'd bought years ago on the discard table for .25 cents. I gathered up all my pretty iridescent powders and placed it all in a pile for after work.

I was sitting at my desk this afternoon in a boring conference call and I looked over and... Yep friends I made my art tags in the middle of a conference call! I had more fun than anyone has a right to at work. An hour later my call was over and I'd completed my assignment. I was so joyful.

Sometimes breaking the rules, and a little glitter, is all you need.

Fitting In

I signed up to take an e-course (by Oprah and Brene Brown) on Embracing Your Imperfections. I have quite a few to embrace. It's all about learning to embrace who you are and stop caring what everyone else thinks. Something I was surprised that I really do care about, and that I wish I didn't so much.

I had the funniest reaction to my required supply list. It was a short list:

• A watercolor journal.
• Watercolor paints. 
• Brushes.
• Markers.
• Double-sided tape. 

Over the years of my artistic struggle, I have amassed a rather large collection of art supplies. I knew I had watercolor pencils (unused) and I felt pretty sure I had a pad of watercolor paper. Yet I wasn't really sure where they were, and the idea of getting "new" supplies had me planning a trip to the art store.


Friday I looked over at the bookshelf in my office and there they were - the pad and the pencils. It was like they were sitting there just waiting for me to need them. Suddenly all this anxiety started to come up inside me.

It wasn't the "official" supplies, which meant I was going to be breaking the rules. I was suddenly back in high school, and I couldn't afford the "right" shoes for gym. I was teased cruelly for the knockoff Vans my mom had purchased. I didn't want to be different then and I didn't now - I wanted to fit in. I wanted to do the assignment correctly and be given an e-pat on the back.

Then another thought occurred to me - I was also afraid I would do a good job and be called out for cheating because I didn't have the right supplies.So essentially I couldn't win.

If I caved and got new supplies, then I was just losing the point of the class. If I did well, then maybe I was cheating. If I did poorly, I could blame my failure on not having the right tools. So my default is to be mediocre by design. I hate that. If I'm going to stink or soar at something I want to do it organically not by my own grand design.

Crabby Kitties

I don't know what got into the boys today, but they were a handful. So crazy because yesterday they were so cute together you could almost hurt yourself from squealing over this scene...

Today they must have gotten into some disagreement (maybe Quill demanded equal time?) and the daily wrestling matches took on an unfriendly tone. Funny that I am not sure who is the one being too aggressive. They both look like they are giving it all they have. Quill outweighs Greyson by a lot but is really gentle, and Greyson is small and scrappy. I have never found even a scratch on Greyson, but he is a squealer. Quill is usually silent but I find an occasional little scab. 

Today wasn't too serious, but I decided to separate them a few times. I worry sometimes that it isn't a fair fight. Of course as soon as I did they cried by the door to get back to each other. 

I'd think we were all friends and then it was "on" again. Sigh. Right now they are sleeping around my chair and seem to be friends again.

Redecorating

While I am off this week I think I am going to redecorate my office. My office began it's life as the house junk room. I claimed it as my Craft Room but because I did not spend time crafting in it - it was renamed by hubby as my Crap Room.

It seemed to be a magnet for - well - crap. It's closest to the back door of the house and it was just so easy to toss in the things that came into the house that did not yet have a home. And during my frenzied years of trying to find an artistic voice - it was the place where unused art and craft supplies went to languish and die.

Eventually after a failed attempt at opening a wedding supply store it became the room of failed dreams. A really sad time, but one where I learned a great deal about myself. I wouldn't trade the experience but it was still hard.

Cut ahead to the happy day when I won the job I have of telecommuting and my office became My Office. I made it a place where business happens and cats can nap. But it still retains some of it's former life - wedding supplies in the closet, craft supplies on the shelves, and the occasional dumping ground of things without a home yet.

I think it's time to finally let go of the things I couldn't let go of before. I want my office to reflect what I want my life to become and not be a holdout of the life I gave up. I'm happy for those choices - because they brought me to writing. They brought me home.

Garage Sale

Hubby found out that a few of our neighbors are planning a Garage Sale this weekend. We're not really prepared for a big sale but there sure is some stuff laying around that could go.

On the one hand I love the idea of paring things down and getting rid of things we no longer need. I almost like getting rid of stuff more than acquiring it - okay maybe not that much. On the other hand I always feel a little miffed when people want to dicker.

When we had the last sale I put on what I thought was a fair price (I wanted the stuff to go). Only to have people offer way less than the price I put on it.All I could think about was how much I paid for it originally.

It was painful to see someone offer pennies on my dollars. It had a profound impact on me last time. Every time I thought about buying something I would wonder if it would be on next year's sales table.

It changed the way my hubby thought too. He discovered a real love of the thrill of the sale. He loved to dicker. So I plan on abandoning him and just enjoying the spoils.

So I can go out and get new stuff... on sale. Maybe at our neighbor's garage?